In November, as the world tunes in to know who will be elected president, my wife and I will anticipate something else.
We expect a baby girl, our first child together and second that Charlotte has brought into the world. It has been my joy to raise our son, but having this miracle of life unfold before my eyes is still a powerful experience. How a moment of intimacy can create such potential is just completely amazing.
There is no greater role in the world than a woman who takes her pregnancy to term, motherhood is simply the most important job there is. In a century nobody will care about who won the popular vote or their policies. Truly, short of a civilization ending nuclear war, they’ll remember Trump like we remember Taft or Harris as we recall all the many noteworthy accomplishments of the Harding administration. But old folks then will remember their mothers.
The most powerful position in the world is not one with four year terms. A President can reallocate resources, make things more or less difficult, wage war and destroy, but only mothers produce new life.
Early in our relationship, when marriage had become a possibility, Charlotte was excited about the prospect of a mixed baby. That is a combination of my German genetics “long nose” with her own. But as months waiting turned into years that initial enthusiasm had wore off and, by the time she arrived, it was all about financial goals. We couldn’t afford a baby—we could barely keep up with rising costs due to inflation!
Besides that, we are both getting old. The world seems less stable now than ever, my own skepticism has grown and I’ve become untethered from assumptions that brought me easy answers in the past. Our son was already here, we weren’t bringing a new life into the mess. So maybe it was better that we didn’t bring a child into this to suffer the hardships and pain that we have?
I’ll also admit that my wife, despite having given birth once, had a flat belly and that is completely desirable. We all want to hang onto our youthful appearance. Men tend to prefer women that are in shape or pleasing for aesthetic reasons. Why ruin that?
However, a bottle of wine and nature have won against rational concerns. No, those anxieties about how to raise a child in this environment did not go away and, for the first time ever, abortion entered my mind as an escape of this enormous responsibility. This could all just go away with a ‘medical procedure’ and nobody would need to know, right? Of course, that momentary reflection was swallowed up by excitement.
No, we don’t know how all of the details will work out. Our hopes of moving Charlotte’s mom here didn’t pan (only the parents of US citizens can be petitioned) and we’ll have to adapt as we go. We have no regrets, the kicks we feel now soon to give way to cries in the night, diaper changes and all of those steps of development. But in the end this is the only legacy we will leave to the world—the only future we have.
Preparations are underway for the inaugural moment when this winner against the odds will emerge. We want our daughter to have the very best introduction to the world we can provide—a safe and stimulating environment. We’re stocking up on diapers and bottles, have a crib and car seat that can double as a stroller, friends and family will celebrate—the anticipation builds!
My own views have migrated from spiritual imagination to sustainable compared to the unsustainable. Civilization was built by the participation of many who assumed roles that fit their qualifications and now is on the brink of collapse as we deny nature. We’re on a path that is unsustainable because we deny nature.
What is nature?
Nature is that, as we mature beyond the age of childhood, inborn sexual desires lead us to seek a partner. And, when successful, “A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24 NIV) The purpose of this joining of man and woman? A multiplication from two to three, four, five, or more. That is to say that in marriage we’re fruitful.
The point of this blog is not to be preachy or tell anyone what to do, rather it is to outline a problem and share a few Bible references for fun. Scripture is part of the tradition and foundation of our civilization and could help us to diagnose where things are possibly going wrong as we stumble. All across the developed world population collapse looms and it will be a disaster for little old you.
This is a topic even more important if you’re irreligious, think this is all there is, and aren’t aiming for “treasures in heaven,” because it could impact your retirement plans. This is purely a numbers game how it plays out, if there aren’t enough people to make stuff or provide services, there is nothing for you to buy—your current lifestyle might be the high point of your life.
But even if you are ‘heavenly-minded’ there is still plenty of reason to reconsider some of the attitudes that I’ve witnessed within conservative groups. Truly, fundamentalists need to fix their courtship gambit more than anyone else. There are plenty of women in those circles who are ‘married to Jesus’ and are really only married to themselves, their idealistic visions—and in total denial of the real cause of their lack of success.
I call out women, in particular, because they are the true gatekeepers of romance. If you are a half-ambitious guy you just know this, I’ve been turned down so many times that I have lost count. There were some, basically average, girls who would sooner get cancer and die than go on a first date with me or a man who did not fit a long list of superficial or social status requirements.
Yeah, it worked out for some of them, but a great many wasted their fertile years trying for unattainable perfection.
What does the Bible say?
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. (2 Timothy 3:1-7 KJV)
I don’t think this is the end of all, but it might be the end of us. Typically verses like those above get applied to those who are outside the group. It is “the world” that is full of narcissistic self-seeking types. And indeed the secular-minded have led the way as far as being unbound to any natural responsibility. But the church is often guilty of the same things albeit covertly and wearing a righteous disguise—in the manner of the Pharisees:
And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’ But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)—then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.” (Mark 7:9-13 NIV)
What Jesus is addressing is how the most pious of his day would use sanctimonious claims to override practical commands. In the example he gives they were claiming to be saving their resources to give to God and thus not able to take care of their parents. It was an excuse. They used the missional as a cover for their big neglects closer to home and, likewise, many today say that they are fully dedicated to God’s kingdom by doing fun projects in Uganda—but are they loving their brothers and sisters in Christ?
I suppose we could blame St Paul for being seemingly all over the map on marriage and if we should pursue it. Then again, maybe the point of 1 Corinthians 7 where he makes singleness a higher calling is simply for the sake of encouraging those who did not find that special person and basically reminding them they have greater freedom to do God’s work while not married. But it is abundantly clear that church growth comes through the production of children. And women, those most likely to be led astray, play the most vital role in this:
I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. (1 Timothy 2:12-15 NIV)
Again, I don’t expect anyone to believe this, this could simply be the misogynistic blathering of an entitled Jewish guy who found Jesus as a means to advance his social agenda. But, if you’re a Christian, then what exactly does “Women will be saved through childbearing” mean so far as the church today?
First, this is an allusion to Mary and her role in the salvation of the world. According to the Gospel, God chose to come into the world through the natural means of pregnancy and birth. Second, it tells us something about the vital role of women in the church and matches or supersedes any speaking role. This absurdity that shaping the world comes only through opening our mouths is why many women sacrifice their potential as the literal creators of the future.
Motherhood Is Most Important
Feminism measures value in only the most masculine terms. It tells us that the natural and traditional role of women is worthless and that women need to compete with men for money and political power. But the core of this ideology is an attack on motherhood and doing that one thing no man could ever do—only a woman can give birth.
But the degrading of motherhood is not only a matter of women being told that they need to be toxically independent of men economically, but also in turning children into a burden, a parasite and something to be exterminated before they have a chance to say, “Momma.” Birth control and abortion send a message that the next generation is not important, that it is a liability rather than an asset, and there is nothing further from the truth.
During COVID the same people who told us to mask up or we’re killing Grandma or had made shrines to George Floyd continued to lead the assault on the youngest and most vulnerable population. It makes no sense, old people will die no matter what we do to protect them. Black women terminate their pregnancies five times the rate that other women do, but the topic of the day is black lives matter and protecting others through our own self-sacrifice?
The reality is that the war on motherhood is sacrificing our own future. We really should be thinking of our Grandma and what the world will be like if we don’t follow in her footsteps by raising the next generation. The reality is that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme and can only be sustained through population growth. Even if it were paid for, money has no value unless there is someone to offer their labor in exchange for it. That savings of dollars is useless without any qualified people to fill positions.
Our narcissism will catch up to us one way or another. The short-sighted pursuit of a career will have consequences. Taking the pleasures while denying the responsibilities that nature has intended will inevitably lead to a snapback. We can artificially cheat the system for only so long before nature starts to push back to eliminate a threat. History is littered with those who thought themselves to be gods only to be humbled.
The Sustainable Church
Evangelicalism, in particular the focus on conversionism, the Bible out of context of the religious tradition that formed it, and a focus on activism, has eroded communities and put the primary conduit of the Gospel (children of Christians) in second place to information distribution efforts. The true Church is about Communion, about bringing a little of the heavenly kingdom to Earth, it is about households being saved. And that is where a woman’s role of bringing new life into the world—which is what sustains any ‘spiritual’ movement.
We need less talk. Rather than push more speaking roles or more of those glamorous foreign adventures, as if this wasn’t only what St. Paul and a handful of others did in the early Church, there should be a move to what has been most effective for centuries and truly where grows a community of the faith. We need to give the men who wish to be married and provide for their wives and families the opportunity to be fathers. We do it by normalizing the natural good again.
There is an overabundance of glory-seeking men and women, desperate for higher social rank and more attention. They love to have their name on a prayer card while living on the dime of others. They’re too busy with information warfare to realize that the most powerful witness of Christ is love closer to home. It was the ‘important’ people who Jesus had condemned for ignoring the bloodied man left for dead along their path or stepping over Lazarus as they went about their business—they thought themselves righteous and were on the road to hell.
There are many reasons why the Christian West is dying and declining birthrates are the biggest contributing factor. This is partly due to the emphasis on missionary work rather than the ministry of motherhood. We would save more people—save even our own future—if we shifted back to fruitfulness and being multiplied. If you have a worldview to spread you don’t do it with tracts shoved in faces. No, you do it by doing it or good old-fashioned procreation. So get married young, have many babies, and you’ll be blessed in your old age.
The role of mothers is as important as any man in the church and most will find out too late why that is. Don’t be one of those who has only regret to accompany them in their twilight years. You’ll need to decide if holding out for Mr Right is truly worth postponing your greatest calling. Many men, currently banished to singleness, would make good husbands and fathers if given a chance.
I’ve been going to my parent’s house more often since I’ve been off the road. It sure beats spending time by myself in an empty little house or eating alone in a restaurant. And, besides that, my mom’s cooking is unmatched in the world. The usual routine was to have a meal during the week and also come home for Sunday dinner.
My plans to “leave and cleave” never came to fruition. All of my closest friends eventually married and disappeared from my life. My siblings (especially the married ones) are very independent and not usually available. Thus there is little other choice for meaningful social interaction during the week besides home. And, since my dad isn’t much for talking about much besides work, the bulk of my time talking is with my mother—who is quite similar to me in personality and temperament.
Going back a step…
Apparently, as a child, I was the only one who would cry when my mom would step out for a minute with the garbage. This separation anxiety never fully went away either. Even as an adult I’ve had a terrible fear of losing my mom. That could simply be because I’ve remained single and (besides a few online mothers who have been there for me) have really only had one significant nurturing person in my life.
In the past couple years, in particular, as my only opportunities for regular meaningful social interaction at church dried up and marriage remained unattainable, my mother was all I had. My mother is the one who has always been there for me through thick and thin. I love her despite our getting under each other’s skin sometimes.
Too much of a good thing?
As the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. That is suggested in Scripture where too frequently visiting neighbors is advised against: “Too much of you, and they will hate you.” (Proverbs 25:17) It does seem too much of even a good thing is bad. And, at very least, the law of diminishing returns may eventually apply to any activity and one would be better doing something else with their time.
Anyhow, with the thoughts of my over-dependency in mind, and my own terror over the thought losing this person who has been in my life longer than anyone else, and considering that Lenten season is about sacrifice, it became clear what to do:
If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26 NIV)
It is easy for those born into Christian homes to treated this teaching of Jesus as hyperbole or a command only necessary for new converts, but what if Jesus did mean it to be taken literally?
Would you literally give up your mother and father to follow after Jesus?
My mother, while imperfect as I am, was never the smothering type. Late into middle school (possibly the start of my 8th grade year) things weren’t going very well and I begged my mom to homeschool me. She denied the request. And, despite my discomfort with her decision not to give me what I wanted, she made the right call. Because, even though it is impossible to know where I would have ended up otherwise, I did eventually break past some of my shyness and am glad for that experience rare for a conservative Mennonite.
Mary and the sacrifice of motherhood…
I’ve been listening to a lot of Jordan Peterson lately and his contrast of the “devouring mom” with Mary (the mother of Jesus) caught my attention. Interestingly enough, both feminists and patriarchal men do not give Mary her due because both undervalue female contribution—both see masculine roles as superior and therefore discredit the importance of motherhood.
Mary, as a mother, was willing to sacrifice her son to the world. In fact, the first miracle of Jesus recordes in Scripture, was at the prompting of his mother:
On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” “Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so… […] What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him. (John 2:1-8, 11 NIV)
That is an extremely interesting exchange between a mother and son. Based in his initial response, the miracle was out of the timeline that Jesus had in mind. Mary, for her part, totally ignores his “my hour has not yet come” protest and, without further comment, moves on to tell the servants to do what her son tells them to do.
It is important to note that the choice of “woman” by translators could give an incorrect sound of rudeness. According to various sources, the word he used was more similar to “ma’am” and might suggest he was distancing himself a bit from his mom or asserting some independence. But, despite being pushed outside of his comfort zone, he complied readily with his mother’s request.
Mary did what a good mother does for her son. She gave him a little nudge, she showed her confidence in him—first in ignoring his initial response and then by her instruction to the servants to follow his lead. And because of that we have this wonderful example of motherhood.
Before Jesus could become the ultimate sacrifice to the world he first needed a human mother willing to nurture him and then give him up. In some ways Mary shared equally in the sacrifice made by God. She, like God, sacrificed her own son—the child who grew in her womb—to be tortured and killed.
My mom…
My mom, like Mary, has always been my biggest encourager. Yes, like all good moms, there was always a push and pull. She would probably be happier if her other children not moved so far away and I may have happier to stay in her home until married. But without her push I’m not sure how much I would’ve accomplished with my life. It because of my mother that I opened a savings account as a child, it is because of her that I bought my house a decade ago, she has encouraged my writing, and her overall push has always been for my independence. She has empowered rather than enslaved me.
My mom had a good balance of empathy and necessary toughness. Unlike some parents, both she and my dad always tried to be fair (perhaps too fair) in how they presented me to the world. For better worse, we aren’t a family that is much for overselling ourselves. If asked, I would probably say that my parents are average and not without their flaws. Yet, in true fairness, saying my parents are average is a vast understatement—they are extraordinary people and I’m very grateful for them both.
So, anyhow, I have given up many things dear to me in the past year and, Lord willing, I will be completing the transition from Mennonite to Orthodox this year.
However, for all the once important things I’ve sacrificed in an unbending quest for the truth, I’ve not yet broken my dependency on my mother. My mom said goodbye to her mom last spring and, with my budding romance, it is bound to happen sooner or later—that is why I gave up my mom for Lent.
Irregular Ideation 