My wife asked me if it is normal in America to call someone “Hey!”  Her coworker had used this exclamation rather than her first name.  “My name is not Hey,” she thought, not verbalizing the protest.  In her Filipino culture this casualness is considered to be impolite bordering on an insult.  

It has been a big adjustment, coming here, to see how little respect there is for others, especially the elderly and the pregnant.  For her, from her perspective, I should not use my elder neighbor’s first name.  He should be “uncle Steve” instead, to denote his age rank in comparison to us.  Likewise, she was shocked how expecting mothers are not given lighter duty, as they would be in Asian countries.  However, tough as she is, she vowed that if an American woman can do it then she can.

But it really does say something about us that we can’t be bothered to recognize the status of others.  Most people in the world, including our own past generations, realize that we come into the world and leave the same way.  The deference shown to elderly is paying it forward, a recognition that we too will become old and increasingly frail, that we will need help.  The use of honoring language is part of that care or setting them apart from those youthful and able.

We have sought absurd equality in the US, where people are all interchangeable, the incel ‘conservative’ says it is unfair for him to have to pay women for maternity leave and ‘progressives’ think biological men can be women with some nipping tucking and a change of wardrobe.  Feminists, ironically, strip motherhood and natural feminity of its glory to prioritize the tasks that any human can do.  Egalitarian aims are good so far as equal protection under the law, but when it becomes erasure of all human difference it isn’t so much anymore.

Concepts of social rank, codified in religious law like, “Honor your father and mother,” are a part of natural order.  Social animals have hierarchies, a pecking order or status that is earned through age or abilities.  This can be abused and yet the alternative of disorder is not an improvement.  Why be honorable, for example, in a world where accomplishment or reputation is no longer recognized?  This may be why we’re so afraid to age—we only lose abilities and gain nothing in return for the experiences we’ve had.

My wife also observed how her American boss doesn’t want to be referred to using a title of respect.  It is as if men are afraid of rank, would rather just be one of the boys, and therefore are uncomfortable when the language of their status is used.  This, of course, doesn’t change the authority that is wielded by a manager.  No, all it does is hide this under a layer of obscurity and makes me wonder why we have become so afraid or ashamed of status.

This all adds to the comedy when Taylor Swift screams “F*ck the patriarchy” to her stadium full of adoring fans.  A billionaire who got her start with the help of her rich Daddy pretending to be some poor little powerless girl, a victim of oppression, in a society where nobody wants to be called “sir” or “ma’am” (maybe due to ageism?) and attractive women have all the power—both feminine wiles and all of the opportunity for worldly wealth possible.  Total buffoonery on the part of the pop icon.

Still, part of the deal with titles of respect and social rank is living up to your honored name.  I’ve blogged against patriarchalism, that is the spirit of entitlement some men have and believe that those who want to be addressed in a dignifying proper way must be dignified.  There is also a little bit of self-respect required.  My wife is also aghast at how her female coworkers will playfully call each other “whores” and I start to wonder why we must be so degrading?