Month: September 2023

Your Own Personal Jesus

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The title of this blog is a repeated line from a popular song, “Personal Jesus,” covered by Johnny Cash.  According to the writer, this song is “about being a Jesus for someone else” and more specifically the mentoring role Elvis Presley had played in the life of his wife Priscilla.  The power of these words is how they change meaning depending on the artist who sings them.  When it was covered by Marilyn Manson they came off as being mocking and derisive.

My own thoughts, hearing the song, always brings me to the popular Evangelical phrase “accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior” and the theological implications.  Unintentionally, it is a commentary on how the Christian religion has been reinvented in this consumerist and individualistic age.  It is all about you.  Jesus is now personal, like a boyfriend, and pretty much whatever you want him to be.  There is no obligation to others, no real need for self-sacrificial love, or becoming part of the body of believers, only to hold a kind of positive sentiment in your heart.

And this is what I encountered in the church of my youth.  Except for those few symbolic expressions of community and caring, carry-overs from those radical Anabaptist roots, it was pretty much everyone for themselves—which is how most of us preferred it to be.  I mean, sure, we would tell the other guy we would be praying for him after ritual foot washing, some would still call you brother as if simply saying it made it true, but that was generally the extent of it.  We all had our own families if there was ever a real need, the church projects were generally for the elderly and those few favorites.

Saved Together 

Orthodoxy has a more robust view of Holy Communion and could, in theory, answer the overly independent view of salvation.  At the very least, with our partaking of the body and blood together central to worship, this puts to rest this idea that the internet preacher is enough.  Life in Christ is about His body and His physical presence, not only something we hold in our minds as true.  It is not only our knowledge of Christ and mental assent but is also about making His example the basis of our actions—being an incarnation.

Faith is not about what we claim to believe, it is about how we act:

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. […] Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

(Galatians 6:2‭, ‬7‭-‬10 NIV)

Carrying of burdens is about more than mere “thoughts and prayers” or those mostly empty expressions.  No, it is all about providing real relief to others, being that ‘neighbor’ like the good Samaritan or the true advocate like St. Paul was for Onesimus.  It is not enough to only say “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” without ever helping others with their actual needs as we read in James 2:16.  It is our job to be our brother’s keeper, that is to look after their needs like we would our own or that of a family member.  This is what a community of faith is supposed to be about and also key to our salvation.

“If anyone falls, he falls alone. But nobody is saved alone.”

—Alexei Khomiakov

For some, their salvation comes from the hand we offer.  For others, their salvation comes from offering that hand.  The early church had this saying, “unus Christianus, nullus Christianus.”  That is to say that one Christian is no Christian.  This is what it means to follow Christ, this is what being in Communion is really about.  Sure the ritual and religious practice matters.  But the true substance in the blood and the flesh we are to consume is in how we become the hands and feet of Jesus.  To do otherwise, to only partake without acting in genuine love is to drink unworthily and bring damnation upon ourselves:

In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you, and to some extent I believe it. No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval. So then, when you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat, for when you are eating, some of you go ahead with your own private suppers. As a result, one person remains hungry and another gets drunk. […] So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.

(1 Corinthians 11:18‭-‬21‭, ‬27 NIV)

Stay In Your Lane

Sadly, within Orthodoxy, for some, it is about lighting a candle, making a sign of the cross, paying their membership dues (tithes), and regular church attendance.  In other words, all about going through the motions.  They don’t want to be bothered by real relationships or overcoming differences—let alone be concerned with the salvation of their fellow parishioners.  

Sheesh, let the priest do his job!  Mind your own business!  Don’t you have enough sins of your own to attend to?  

I’ve even heard clergy give advice like “stay in your lane” as if there’s no difference between confrontation of lingering issues and petty fault-finding…

I’ll back up a second and agree fully that we should be “work[ing] out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil 2:13), which does imply some introspection and that we start first with the beam in our own eye.  But, that said, even this admonition is addressed to “my dear friends” or the church body and not as a personal note.  So even this could be used to further the view of salvation that is about collective effort and not some sort of personal experience we have while sitting in the pew deliberately not noticing elephants in the room as our penance.

There are some who do not seem to realize that their mother’s scold, “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all,” isn’t written in Scripture, but this is:

“‘Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.“ ‘Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt. “ ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

(Leviticus 19:16b‭-‬18 NIV)

Speaking the truth is not always pleasant to the ears of those hearing it and yet it is part of what love does.  It is not that we should never confront, rather it is the SPIRIT of how we approach these sins or shortcomings of others.  So, sure, staying in our lane is good, but that doesn’t mean we should never alert someone driving with their headlights off at night since we have also done the same in the past.  It may feel like ‘keeping the peace’ to sweep everything under the rug or let the ‘problem’ go away by ignoring it—but it’s also an unloving attitude.

“Church is not a social club…”

I’ve now encountered it in two very different religious traditions.  When that cry is made for real brotherhood, deeper connections or genuine relationships are met with the strong suggestion that you’re not spiritual enough and a reminder that church is for worshipping God and superficial interactions.  If you expect a little more then you’re turning it into a social club.  This is an inversion.  It is a psychological projection and a garbage excuse.  It’s telling a person seeking medical care that hospitals are about the awe of the building and reverence for the institution, that they should go to the dance club if they so desperately want to be touched by someone.  

These phony physicians only add insult to injury, they are exactly the type of religious authorities that Jesus rebuked: 

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. 

(Matthew 23:2‭-‬4 NIV)

For them, it is all about the right image, the dress standards, and keeping their perfect attendance record.  Basically, they check all of the right boxes.  Performative religion.  And who knows?  Maybe their Bible study and prayers, ten hours a day, really does it for them?  Who am I to say that their mission to Uganda was entirely a self-indulgent display of privilege and a waste of resources?  But I’ll also say that those who travel the world while doing the bare minimum for those whom God put right at their own doorstep are condemned as hypocrites by Jesus.

The church is established by the same God who told us that it is not good for man to be alone.  Good for you if you need nobody in your life.  Jesus is your homeboy?  But most of us need those meaningful and sometimes messy interactions with other humans.  That is what family is.  That’s what hospitals are built to facilitate.  And that is what a church is literally supposed to be.  If you don’t need a doctor maybe you are the doctor and your salvation requires you to show up to attend to those sick and suffering?  Why call would we call each other brothers and sisters in Christ if this weren’t the case?  If the church isn’t at all about social interactions—why do we waste the gas?

Those who say that church isn’t a social club are right.  It is also not an art museum where pretentious people go to engage politely and then share a light snack.  It should be much more than that.  It should be a refuge we can flee, the juniper tree where God sends angels to comfort and attend to the physical needs of Elijah, a garden of Gethsemane where the disciples are not sleeping in hours of need, it should be intimate and practical, a hospital or home.  A place to be ministered to and minister to each other.  It’s both where we share our moments of happiness and also mourn with those who mourn.

Church is a family or it is just fake.  

Post Script: Those who personalize Jesus tend to depersonalize their religion. Protestant or Orthodox, it doesn’t matter, they want to claim their great devotion with their embrace of abstraction and their own prescribed practices, but seem to forget that pure religion is about the human touch (James 1:27) and what they do materially for others is how to show their love for Jesus. Our salvation does not come apart from the body of Christ. Communion isn’t only what we partake of on a Sunday morning, it is what we participate in as far as loving others and, in particular, the community of believers. You cannot stay in your lane, avoiding people in a pretense of righteousness, and also love God.

The Three Different Kinds Of Mechanics

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We tend to lump things together that shouldn’t be. In other words, there is plenty of diversity within categories and this is something true of those whom we call mechanics. And the significant difference in mechanics is analogous to other professions, which is where this essay will end up.

The other week my old reliable Ford Focus began to act up. I had traveled, with my family, to a company picnic and everything was fine on the way out. However, on the trip home there was something that was not right. The power delivery was rough when trying to accelerate but smooth enough while cruising and immediately my mind went to the trick this 2.0 L had up its sleeve.

The ‘Duratec 20‘ has Mazda DNA. It uses direct injection and variable valve timing (or Ti-VCT) to make 160 hp while still delivering decent fuel mileage. With a 12.1:1 compression ratio, it has a decent torquey feel for a 4-banger, and—paired up with a five-speed—it is fast enough to be fun.

And to the point that a week prior to this, on the way to church, a late 90s Honda Civic with a loud pipe did the customary flyby, and we just so happened to line up at the next red light. So, as was necessary, to the slight embarrassment of my wife and great amusement of my son, I do the hard launch. It bogged a bit, despite my loading up a bit prior to releasing the clutch, so I dumped it down completely, the tires chirped, I hit second hard and I was grinning a couple of car lengths ahead before they knew what had happened. Not an actual race, but I’m pretty sure I had the edge even if they were ready for me.

The engine light would eventually come on in the next day or two. And, sure enough, checking the code at AutoZone, it came up as a camshaft sensor. That was something I could handle. I swapped in the new part. But it didn’t fix the problem. I noticed that the negative battery terminal had some corrosion and, with the help of a cousin, we cleaned that. Still, no dice. The issue persisted.

Shop #1: The Inspection Garage

With the help of a mechanic friend of mine, who sent me the applicable page of the diagnostics manual, I determined that the problem was now beyond my shadetree abilities. It was potentially a crank sensor fault (that for some reason shows up as being the cam sensor) or involved some sort of wiring issue. I took it to the garage, within walking distance, which had given me a better deal for vehicle inspection than the dealer could offer.

I left them with the page of the manual. I returned to a vehicle with a drained battery and still acting up despite their efforts. They had cleaned the throttle body, changed the air filter, and not overcharged me for that service. However, the problem was not fixed, and the explanation he gave—that the car (with over 230,000 miles) was old and probably down on compression—did not satisfy me.

I had assumed that they had run down the diagnostics checklist, as I had basically told them to do, and that weekend decided to take a look again with the aid of a mechanically inclined brother-in-law at our family summer get-together. My sister has a 2016 Focus, which had corrected the wiring harness issue, and immediately, while looking at her engine bay, I noticed how the Ford had moved these wires from where they were on my own 2014.

So I took another look at that, I lifted the harness on my car where it was against the engine and, sure enough, I could see the cover was worn through and a little copper was shining. Uh-oh. With a small piece of electrical tape and a spirited tested drive, the diagnosis was clear—that was the problem and I would need to take it to a shop that was capable of following my instructions.

Shop #2: The Technician

After pricing my options, I decided on a garage that had helped me with another mystery issue years ago with my Jaguar XJR. Jake, the owner, was an expert at diagnostics and, in a conversation with Jason who he trained as his replacement, it was clear that this guy knew his stuff. Now, granted, in this case, I had already provided the diagnosis. However, I could tell that he understood the systems of the vehicle far better than the guy at the inspection garage.

This is the kind of mechanic you need when the issue is more than an alternator or something obvious that only needs to be removed and replaced. Anyone can turn a wrench. Quite a few can go down the diagnostics checklist and eventually find the solution. But the actual technician type is a different breed, he is the guy who writes the manual and can even feel what is going on after a short test drive. These are the Ken Miles, can-improve-what-already-is kind, who in different circumstances may have become an engineer or even a doctor.

The technicians are professionals. They have a high IQ and a wealth of knowledge. And it is about much more than having the correct certifications or a toolbox full of Snap-On tools. Some simply do not have the aptitude even if they went through years of training and others do. The technician could be working in the back alley of Manila or at the dealership down the road. There are different levels even within this group, but what sets them apart is their intuitions and ability to model the complex systems of a vehicle in their heads. He’s as smart as your cardiologist.

Shop #3: The Scam Artist

Years ago my brother took his Ford Tempo in for a routine inspection. This was his first car and basic transportation for a teenager. And only cost a few thousand dollars, which was basically all he could afford at the time. The tire shop is in the middle of town and looks decently professional. I think of this incident each time I see their advertising two decades later.

The bill he got was more than the value of the car. Apparently, they decided that every suspension part was out of tolerance and maybe they were technically correct, who knows?

What I do know is that my dad took severe issue with this and helped my brother negotiate a slightly better price for the work. Still, they soaked him for a huge amount of money and have lost our business since then. They were at the level of the inspection shop, or your local Walmart Auto Care Center, as far as their abilities and yet telling us with absolute conviction that the car was not safe to drive without the laundry list of parts with labor they installed without so much as a phone call to my brother.

Dealerships can overcharge. But usually, they are more reputable and not just replacing parts because they have you over the barrel and have a bonus to make. These are the types who would convince your grandma she needs the blinker fluid filled and muffler bearings replaced. They aren’t technicians (they would too be ashamed of themselves if they were) and are basically just swindlers with a wretch to use as part of the scheme. Their diagnosis is always something expensive.

What Kind Of ‘Mechanic’ Is Your Doctor?

This understanding of different types of mechanics applies to all professions. Not every college graduate with the right credentials is equally qualified. Some engineers are really good at the classroom stuff, they know the code and can be completely anal about largely irrelevant or unimportant details. Others really get what makes structure work, it is intuitive to them, and what they build is likely safer than the variety that dots all of the I’s and crosses all the T’s according to the IBC 2021.

Doctors come in many varieties as well. There are those types who get into things like cosmetics or reconstructive surgeries, chasing after the big bucks, and then there are the others who want to run a clinic or set up a family practice to help as many people as possible. The country ‘doc’ driving the F-150 is a different breed than the one with a BMW or Porsche. One is practicing medicine, and the other has a profitable business that requires some medical skills. And, in both cases, competency is not strictly a matter of gathering the right diploma or getting through the board requirements.

My own hunch is that most doctors are more like the inspection shop mechanic. They’re not out to screw you over and they also do good work for the most part. However, they got where they did because they were at least of slightly average intelligence and good at navigating the system. This doesn’t mean that they are actually doing the real number crunching of the diagnostics themselves. No, it means that they can match a list of symptoms with what they can find in the Merck manual and write a (barely legible) prescription. This could mean that they miss things, over-prescribe, or basically share in the same failures as the entire medical establishment.

So, how reliable is the system?

Well, I’m not sure.

When I read things like, Why Most Published Research Findings Are False, and how the Lancet published (then later retracted) studies that cautioned against the use of Hydroxychloroquine or how Ivermectin was skewered as being “horse dewormer” despite being an effective anti-viral medication, it seems that politics may be dictating the science. And we all know that politics is heavily influenced by cold hard cash. So, let’s think, who benefits from keeping these kinds of cheap widely available therapeutics from the market? There was an industry that made $90 billion from the pandemic and also has connections to the corporate media apparatus. Who knows how far this big money penetrates government agencies and impacts regulations or policies.

But I do know this has been said…

“It is simply no longer possible to believe much of the clinical research that is published, or to rely on the judgment of trusted physicians or authoritative medical guidelines. I take no pleasure in this conclusion, which I reached slowly and reluctantly over my two decades as editor of The New England Journal of Medicine”

Marcia Angell, MD

And this…

“The case against science is straightforward: much of the scientific literature, perhaps half, may simply be untrue. Afflicted by studies with small sample sizes, tiny effects, invalid exploratory analyses, and flagrant conflicts of interest, together with an obsession for pursuing fashionable trends of dubious importance, science has taken a turn towards darkness”

Richard Horton, editor of The Lancet

I’m assuming these two would know a little about the current state of science and medicine.

So how does a doctor separate the wheat from the chaff?

It is not right that some see the failures of some as a reason to dismiss it all. Getting taken advantage of by one repair shop doesn’t make all mechanics crooks. Still, how does a patient know if their doctor is doing a high-level analysis of the evidence, is capable of critical thinking and going beyond the book, or if he’s just following the pack without doing any truly independent diagnostics? It really takes someone a bit removed from the profession, who doesn’t share their biases or bad remedies, to give the corrective treatment. Maybe a car mechanic turned doctor (the guy in the featured picture) would have some useful perspective on the topic?

Whatever the case, if we can’t trust everyone who is licensed by the state to inspect vehicles, we should be even more skeptical of those who want to put things into our bodies. They don’t even have to be bad or intend harm, it could simply be that they are asleep at the wheel, putting trust in institutions that have been compromised and corrupted. At the very least, the body is extremely complicated and even our most advanced methods are crude. We may not know that our modern versions of bloodletting are of negligible value or even harmful for another century or two. This is why we customers, the patients, should never be pressured one way or another even if the science is supposedly settled.

Yes, even those at the top of the profession today may be tomorrow’s quacks…

"I have the secret art to cure. Each malady, which men endure."
“I have the secret art to cure. Each malady, which men endure.”

Note the “slow poison” written on the mixing device.

Bullying, Discrimination, and the Alternative

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The book of Ezra is difficult to read.  It ends with God’s prophet breaking up marriages between Israelite men and foreign women, leaving these wives abandoned, with their children, without once considering their welfare.  Not only is it cold and callused, but all this talk of the impurity of these people is also disturbingly like that of the ethnonationalist rhetoric leading to genocide in modern times.

My own mixed family has encountered some difficulties with those who put their own tribe first recently at work and school.  

My son, a very friendly and outgoing kid, has had some issues with a few bullies.  One of these adversaries slapped him hard on the side of his head at the bus stop.  Eventually, my son and this attacker had an all-out brawl on the sidewalk and my son says he got the upper hand before an adult intervened.  But now my son is afraid of being the victim of another surprise attack and feels very much alone against the group.  Which is the worst part, the one who is instigating the violence, telling other kids that my son insulted them or otherwise provoked, is himself a newly arrived racial minority—albeit from a much less friendly urban culture.

My wife recently started a new job at a local meat packing facility, staffed primarily by those from Spanish-speaking countries, and faces a similar uphill battle.  They preferred their own for promotions and sabotaged the work of another Filipino who took one of these better-paid positions.  The upper management is seemingly unaware of this dynamic, perhaps seeing all ethnic minorities as the same, but it is very real to those who directly encounter it and see the discrimination first-hand.  It really is not ‘people of color’ versus white as is the binary often presented.  No, there are local majorities, and also many rivalries that are within racial minorities.

Something my wife observed early on is that you need to know someone to get a job.  As it turns out, that is true, she had applied at her current employer and never heard from them in weeks.  Finally, she found out that a fellow Filipino worked there, reached out, got a recommendation, and a few days after this she was interviewed.  Her ethnic contingent, within the company, has increased to three as they also have convinced another to join them against Hispanics.

My ideal solution to my son’s situation would be for him to have an older sibling or cousin to help him.  It is just automatic that family will look out for family and yet this dynamic does not contradict the sad reality of the rest of this post.  There is a fine line between this preference for our own blood and racial discrimination and bullying behavior.  In fact, it is basically the same thing.  We prefer our genetic division and general ethnic category to others.  And this may be why the older Asian girl on the bus takes a little more interest in my son?  Instincts may cause her to treat him like she may a little brother.  At the very least his polite and respectful behavior is common across most Asian cultures.

Discrimination is a survival mechanism.  An individual who truly treated everyone exactly the same would soon find themselves to be depleted of resources.  Without a tribe or a gang, nobody is strong enough to stand up to the bullies in the real world.  You’re either in the dominant (physically superior and better organized) group or you’ll be harassed into serving it.  Even the legendary heroes of ancient times tended to have an army to back them up.  And outward appearance is simply the easiest way to align ourselves given that this was always a natural division of people across time.

This all starts at a very young age.  At only three months old babies will start to prefer faces of their own race to others.  This idea that children need to be taught to be racists has no basis in science.   Yes, conditioning and socialization will come into play, but this is only a sharping of inborn tendencies.  We will trust those who look like us over those who are foreigners.  This can metastasize into racist ideologies and the hatred of those ‘impure’ others. But it is not unnatural.

Inhuman Nature and the Alternative

Defenders of Biblical ethno-nationalism will say that the problem was more about these people being idol worshippers.  And yet the people of Israel certainly weren’t free of this and they themselves would frequently follow after these false gods.  Why weren’t these impurities abandoned?  Ezra gave them an opportunity to repent and remain part of the group despite this disobedience.  They, as the seed of Abraham, were given preferential treatment simply for their bloodline and not only as a result of their different behavior.

Being truly human is about going beyond the primal and transcending even ourselves.  No, we may never convince all to find a common bond beyond the lowest hanging fruit that is skin color or facial features.  Still, those I’ve been able to identify with the most, at least other than siblings or biological cousins, do not belong to my own race.

My wife and I started as geographically far apart as two people could possibly be on this planet.  Her people, Igorots, were very tribal and primitive up until a half-century ago, my own Swiss-German heritage may seem the opposite.  But her rural agrarian roots make her more similar to me than one may assume.  Her people are stoic, with a strong work ethic, and are very much like my own grandparents.  Our son, to whom I am a step-father, is completely different than me in terms of his athleticism compared to my own clumsiness. Still, we do share many interests and are peas in a pod.

Unnatural love is that which is extended to those who do not look like us.  It is to try to be fair to all people, of all races, rather than show favoritism.  It starts with simply not mistreating those who are different from us and trying to find the humanity in others.  It is to put our common values and aims at a higher level of importance than appearance, which is to say seeing the heart rather than outward appearance.

This is not ‘diversity is our strength’ or some kind of woke BS either. 

The left is as divisive as the right or worse.  They hold everyone to a different standard, based on their outward appearance, and call this inclusion.  But all they really do is replace a meritocracy with a victim hierarchy and then use past injustice as an excuse to do the same thing to others today.  Actual virtue or contribution does not matter in this ideological dogma, it is always about outward appearance.  The bully is of another color and the discrimination goes in a new direction, but it is just more division by the lowest common denominator.

Common values are our strength.  Working towards the same cultural and civilizational goals, rather than only what is good for our own ethnic identity group, is where diversity of abilities is useful.  Bullies cost us resources, discrimination for reasons other than good or behavior is unjust, and being totally colorblind may be impossible.  However, we can work to correct our own prejudice and towards a common goal.  It will take some faith and leading by example, it will a change of heart from the current paradigm:

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28 NIV)

It is that, unity in Christ, or we revert back to the ethnic wars, cleansings, disregard, and other abuses of the Old Testament. We can live in a world where it is tribe against tribe, man against woman, and soon every man for themselves, or we can find ways to overcome our differences and see our better potential realized. We’ll never be completely fair, favoritism is natural, but we can aim for it. We don’t need to slaughter each other over our shades of difference.

Seeing Behind The Veil

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In storytelling, there is a plot device called a MacGuffin.  This is an object, character, or event used to push the narrative forward and yet isn’t all that important in and of itself.  In other words, a thing that creates motivation and yet never even needs to be revealed to the audience.  We are supposed to believe this is something significant or valuable and that’s all we need to be told.

The contents of the briefcase are left a mystery despite being pivotal in motivating the characters.

While reading through the Old Testament and pondering how temple worship worked, it is hard not to see the Ark of the Covenant as a sort of MacGuffin.  Sure, their God was not a thing.  And yet this sacred object, we’re told, contained something of God’s presence and would even strike dead those who innocently mishandled it.  Of course, most people may never have seen it, it was kept behind a veil in the temple where few had access, but all would be told of the sacredness.

“Then spake Solomon, The LORD said that he would dwell in the thick darkness. I have surely built thee an house to dwell in, a settled place for thee to abide in for ever.”

(1 Kings 8:12‭-‬13 KJV)

In fact, it was made sacred as much by this treatment as much as what actually dwelled within it.  The mythology surrounding it, as in the cultural or religious significance that was given to it, was extremely powerful.  Starting a special priestly class, Tabernacle and ritual practice, later the impressive structure of the Temple, there was a huge investment in this sacred object.  And yet, for all the attention it got, the Ark itself was usually kept hidden in darkness, guarded, within the Holy of Holies and behind a veil.

Holy Of Holies 

There are other things hidden behind a veil with significant motivational power.  One of them being the marriage MacGuffin.  For me this was a pursuit of something sacred, the church does consider the marriage bed to be sacred, and there is a whole mythology that is constructed around marriage.

This is what made it so jarring when, during my pursuit of the impossibly, a psychiatrist would classify it as “sexual attraction.”  They had just heard me describe a pure and faith-driven quest only to reframe it in such crass terms.  How dare they!  I was after love, not sex!  It really did offend me at the time.  With their clinical roughness, they had penetrated the veil of my marriage delusion.  It was an act of sacrilege.  

My childhood innocence is beyond recovery at this point.  For whatever reason, those of us born into a fundamentalist purity culture believe that we must be in denial of our own sexual urges that lead to marriage.  This is strange given how blunt St. Paul is on the topic, in 1 Corinthians 7:9, advising those who “burn with passion” to get married and basically get a room.  Why the veil of secrecy, these many euphemistic expressions to cover and mystify the bumping of uglies?

Speaking of erotic euphemism:

“Awake, O north wind; And come, thou south; Blow upon my garden, That the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, And eat his pleasant fruits.”

(Song of Solomon 4:16 KJV)

Why blush, be embarrassed or ashamed by this?

Could it be that without dressing this whole affair up with great ceremony, white bridal veils, teary-eyed parents, and such, we would have to face the reality of being creatures as hormone-driven as two ducks on a pond?  I mean, why aren’t we as honest as Solomon was in his poetry: “Roses are red, violets are blue, you have large breasts, that’s why I love you!”  Without white lies or half-truths, would our version of romance even survive?

So what is underneath the veil?

All of those things that I’ve discovered in the intervening years, that’s what…

Bride or prostitute.
Is the only difference the price each requires?

To the extent I was in deep denial of my own sexuality, I was doubly in denial of the sexual nature of my female counterparts within the conservative Anabaptist culture.  The young lady who first propositioned, then made it all awkward and worried about somehow being ‘defiled’ if she got coffee with me has long since dropped the veil.  She has joined the others whom I had held in such high regard, revealed now as not being nearly as prudish or pure as I had once imagined.  That’s not a criticism or judgment either.  It is just the reality of the situation.

So, when the impossibly told me “I cannot not love that you the way that you wanted to be loved” what she was really saying the same thing as those Tinder girls with “must be 6′ or over to ride” in their profiles.  She wanted a guy who got her juices flowing, certainly someone a bit more rugged and traditionally masculine than me.  And, I mean, why not?  Why hide it?  Marriage is not only (or even primarily) about the high ideal that is advertised.  It is also about our scratching the itch.  Which is to say getting down and dirty with someone who meets the correct physical qualifications.

Also, perhaps it is that the fantasy is more satisfying than the act itself?  We read how Amnon, King David’s eldest son, had such an infatuation with his half-sister Tamar.  It tells us after having his way with her he despised her.  Or consider the disgust of Victorian-era art critic John Ruskin when, in marriage, he discovered that women aren’t like porcelain dolls.  You’ll have to forgive him, they put skirts over piano legs back then to keep the eyes of men safe from the unveiled feminine form.  Maybe there are some things that are better chased than caught?  If we find what we went looking for we might be shocked at what we found.

Sacred Fertility & Symbolism 

The final stop on this exploration of sacred and taboo has to do with something that I can’t unsee now that I’ve seen it.  I’m bound to lose half of my final two readers for going here. 

Nevertheless, I’m not here to please the pearl-clutching crowd. 

For me, this is not about toppling sacred cows or making people uncomfortable, it is about being honest enough to see reality for what it is and correcting our own perspectives of the cultural baggage we’ve inherited.

First, what drives much of the Old Testament Biblical narrative?  We know Abraham’s story, how he wanted an heir, and yet how Sarai, his wife, was unable to produce.  In this Genesis account we see various cases where wombs are opened or closed.  And the punishment of Michal, for rebuking her dancing husband, was that she had no child until the day of her death.  Being fruitful and multiplying was a high priority, as well as having sons to carry on the family line.

As an aside, we live in a very sterile world in comparison to our ancestors, we’ve become sheltered and sensitive to the point many do not eat meat or want their children exposed to death.  This wasn’t an option at the time when Scripture was written.  There is a kind of earthiness to their world and perspective, something more primal or real, a brutality of life difficult to stomach.  It is with this reality in mind, that we also have different sexual taboos and could be more prudish than they were about such things.

Second, I was sitting in church and taking a look at the colorful streams of light pouring through a stained glass image of Jesus pulling Adam and Eve from the grave.  My moment of appreciation for this beauty was interrupted by my noticing part of the symbolism.  Jesus is shown to be emerging from an oval shape, at the bottom of which are the covers of their opened tombs.  Requiring very little, if any, imagination, it bears striking resemblance to one Christian symbol even an iconoclastic Protestant would likely recognize, and that being a vertically arranged “Jesus fish” or Ichthys.

Light and life shining down…

However, concurrent to this, and a cause of some momentary shame, was the thought “That’s a vulva!”  I mean, how inappropriate to think that any part of the female anatomy, let alone those private nether regions, be put on prominent display or be associated with Christ!  

But is it really?

A mother, Mary, is necessary for the birth of Jesus.  Without her, and her womb that is miraculously made made more spacious than the heavens, there is no salvation for mankind.  It didn’t matter if God could have used any other way, all we know is that he used this young woman and all of the faithful since have followed the lead of Elizabeth, who full of the Holy Spirit loudly proclaimed:

“Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?”

(Luke 1:42‭-‬43 NIV)

As far as the symbolism, I would find that indeed my observation had basis in reality as the Ichthys is a version of Vesica Piscis (literally “fishes bladder” in Latin) or, in sacred geometry, the oval that two intersecting circles create an oval and said to be the place where spiritual and physical worlds interface. According to Syriac Press, in ancient Mesopotamia, it was used as a symbol of the combination of masculine and feminine energies that create a Divine Child.  Any pagan coincidence, like those with baptism, only serves to reinforce the power of the symbolism.

In a time when many settle for ‘fur babies’ over producing human offspring and the unique female contribution to the world is dismissed by feminists seeking male roles— when real women are mocked by men who pretend to menstruate—we need to start doubling down on our celebration of this reproductive role of women.  Phrases like “saved through childbearing” did not come into the Bible by accident.  The world was saved by the one who came out of Mary’s fertile womb and we ought not to downplay or be embarrassed by this.

Empty Vessel—Dying Corpse

Solomon’s Temple was destroyed in 586 BC, by the Babylonians, and the fate of the Ark within it is unknown.  This loss of sacred relics did not stop the Jewish faithful from rebuilding the temple, in 515 BC, but does make one wonder how much the contents mattered.  So long as the people were kept in awe that’s all that really seemed to be the point whether the edifice truly contained anything of real value or not.  With nothing behind the veil, the people still did the ritual and sacrifice. 

Why?

It seems sort of analogous to the US Dollar, a currency once backed by actual gold and now only by faith people continue to hold in the economic system it represents.  The harsh reality is that it has become merely a means to exploit. It is a way for a few elites to rob the value of the savings of other people by printing more money for themselves.  Those money changers Jesus chased out of the Temple were the amateurs. The real professionals never get caught.  The carefully maintained veil of secrecy around the Federal Reserve ensures that this particular scam continues for a long long time.

But, I digress.  

G. K. Chesterton once wrote, “a corpse crawling with worms has an increased vitality,” and that “a dead man may look like a sleeping man a moment after he is dead,” trying to describe the subtle yet significant difference between truly sacred tradition and a cheap gimmick version of this religion that was intended to replace it.  Perhaps this is what has me disillusioned?  With so many things, once the veil is lifted (which few ever dare to do) so much of the enticing mystery and popular mythology which propelled us forward falls apart.  And in this way some of the life I had felt early on feels more like decomposition.

Perhaps this is what is left when you’re the dog who has finally caught the car?  Nothing left to do but pee on the tire and continue on your way again.  The anticipation leading up to the day of revelation may be more exciting than the moment the veil is lifted and when all is seen.  Ruskin may have spent the rest of his life waxing eloquently about his female love interest.  Or maybe—just maybe—that MacGuffin which led us to the point we’re at today was merely a plot device to move the story forward and the only truly sacred part of the encounter is the fruit produced?

Sexual pleasure is fleeting.  We’re lured there by our imaginations, by our desire for what is beyond the veil of marriage, but it can all be a bit anti-climactic and even repulsive once you consider it after it is finally unwrapped from the flowery speech and those flawless air-brushed mental pictures.  But fatherhood, by contrast, seeing the great potential of my son, tending to his needs, pruning as needed, is something extremely fulfilling.  It is what has emerged from the womb that brings us renewed life and hope.  Pity the barren, the dying corpse who has lifted the veil and only saw the emptiness of their pursuits.